Beautiful Words Seduce, But Actions Commit

I wish I had written this but it echoes my thoughts today!




Beautiful Words Seduce, But Actions Commit
Posted by: T. L. Cooper @ 5:55 pm

It’s no secret that I love words. I mean I really love words. I’ve shared this before, and anyone who has ever had a conversation with me is now nodding with a knowing smile. Words hold power both in their use and in the restraint of their use.

Sometimes I’m surprised by my reaction to songs such as Extreme’s More Than Words and Madonna’s Words. Extreme asks “What would you do if I took those words away?/Then you couldn’t make things new/Just by saying I love you” and tears well up in the corners of my eyes. Madonna sings “I’m in love with your words” and “But your actions speak louder than words/And, they’re only words unless they’re true/Your actions speak louder than promises, promises/You’re inclined to make and inclined to break” and for some reason I feel slightly rebellious.

How many times in life do we hurt someone, intentionally or more likely unintentionally, and think that saying I love you will make it all better? How many times do we preface a hurtful statement with I love you, but…? How many times do we mumble I love you just because there doesn’t seem to be anything else to say? How many times do we say I love you as an afterthought? How many times do we say I love you because we’re too lazy, preoccupied, busy, or whatever to perform the action that would express that love so much better?

How often do we say I love you and really mean it?

How many times do we listen to someone say beautiful things and fall for them because the words are seductive and, dare I say it, intoxicating? How often do we ignore the fact that someone’s actions don’t match the love expressed in words? How often do allow someone to break promise after promise after promise simply because they say those the most intoxicating words - the ones we love to hear? How often do we forgive one more hurt because someone’s words seduce us? How often do we excuse away someone’s behavior because we want to believe the words they say?

Again, how often do we say I love you and really mean it?

I think about Extreme’s song, and I have to wonder. What would I do if someone took those words away ? What would I do if I couldn’t express my love with words. I have to admit, there are moments when just the idea terrifies me. Not because I think I’m less than loving in my actions - well, at least for the most part - but because I fear losing that safety net. I love you becomes a safety net for those moments when we mess up and want to fix it. It’s a starting point to fix the relationship. Note I said starting point not cure-all.

And then there’s the odd occurence when someone’s words are mean, but their actions are loving. I never know how to take this perhaps because I put so much emphasis on words. If your actions are loving, but you say mean things I will get confused. If you act in a loving manner, but say things that don’t support those actions I won’t know how to react. Is this any better? I don’t think so.

Let there be no mistake, I still love words. The problem comes in when the words mean more than anything else. The problem occurs when words are all we have left to hold on to. The problem is when there is no action to back up the pretty words we hear. And, it’s easy to be taken in by someone’s words when he/she knows exactly what we want to hear and he/she says it every single time we doubt him/her or call him/her on his/her behavior. It’s easy to accept the apology or the I love you because no one wants to turn away love or friendship. But I love you as manipulation has no place in any relationship.

In all honesty, the best thing is when words and actions are in harmony.

Writers, think about this as you write. Do you have a character who is prone to pretty words but never follows through? How can you use that in your storyline? Do you have a character who melts every time a character speaks? Does this get him/her in trouble? Do your characters show their feelings or just say them? Do you use conflict between words and actions to rachet up the tension in your writing?

As my friend, Kelly Deaton, says, ”Love is not a passive verb…” Remember that as you write. Your characters - and your readers - will thank you for it.

The nice thing about writing and life is that so often the lessons we need for life also apply to our writing. So ask yourself what role words play in your life and in your writing. See if you can make both a little more active. I know I plan to.